Helping you manage your existential and mundane crises since 2015
Dear Adviser, Halloween is coming up and usually it is my favorite holiday and I have the BEST costume ideas. This year I am depressed and can’t think of anything. This is kind of a softball question, but what is the scariest thing you can imagine me being for Halloween?
Dear Adviser, I am having a really tough time right now. I am a freshman in highschool and I used to be perfectly happy and enjoy my life but recently some mean girls at school (Stacey and Becky) started rumors about me being a slut. I am  virgin and have never had sex before or even kissed a boy or had a Boyfriend! When I confronted them about it they said they never told anyone I was a slut or had sex, they merely mentioned I was out at a college party ALL NIGHT and left the next morning, which was technically true so they did nothing bad and never lied or gossiped. I was visiting my sister at college and stayed the night! Now everyone thinks I am a massive skank. What can I do to change their minds?
Dear Adviser, Here’s the deal. I have a reserved parking spot at my office. It has my NAME on it. Several days a week for the past month some guy has been stealing my spot. Just parking there like he was oblivious to the whole thing. He gets there before me and leaves before me so I have no idea who the guy is, but he drives a Toyota Corolla, what a schmuck, right??? Finally today I stalked the spot on my lunch break and saw the guy. Now I know exactly who he is. Some jerk in accounting. What should I do about it? I need to show him who's boss but I don’t want to seem like a psycho or have people think I have no chill. What is a good way to reclaim my spot and still have the upper hand?
Dear Adviser, Last night my four-year-old called my two-year-old a “loser” and said he wanted to deport him out of the house. I don’t think it takes a genius to realize where he is getting this from. How is it possible to raise kind, compassionate children in an era where a bullying tyrant is in charge of our country?
Dear Adviser, So last month I got this speeding ticket. I was barely even speeding the cop was just being a jerk. At first I was going to just pay it and then I thought about how I didn’t want to contribute to this unfair system of policing and justice we have in the United States. I Googled it and traffic tickets are basically all going to the local judicial system and to the police department, both things I think are fundamentally evil and should be protested against. Is not paying the ticket and publicizing it a good way to protest, or is the risk too great? Here in California I could go to jail for an unpaid traffic ticket and accumulate even larger fees and fines.
Dear Adviser, I am having a really serious problem right now. I bought like the cutest little pomeranian at the mall thinking she would be a great dog to, you know, like, hang out in my purse and to take selfies with. I thought we were going to be like besties and inseparable but instead it turns out she is like a total bitch and I don’t just mean she is literally a female dog. She already destroyed one of my Coach bags. She pooped all over my parent’s house and she growls at me all the time. I want to get rid of her ASAP but I have already posted her all over Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and even Linkedin for some reason. I don’t want people to be all like “what happened to your dog? She was so cute” or whatever. How can I send her to the pound without looking like a total monster?
Dear Adviser, I have the worst romantic luck of anyone I know. I have never had a successful and happy relationship despite dating my whole life! All of my breakups have been terrible including my divorce six months ago. I don’t know what to do. Maybe the problem is me? I am the common denominator here. Why do I pick such horrible men and what can I do to stop it?
Dear Intelligent Advice, I really want to be an Instagram model; the girls on there have such beautiful and glamorous lifestyles, but I have no idea how to go about it. I follow my favourite bloggers for #goals, post once a week and promote myself online, but I’ve only got 400 followers, and most of those... Continue Reading →
Dear Adviser, This time next week I will be moving to America. I have spent the past 5 years of my life in a refugee camp. I was finally selected for resettlement in the United States and am equal parts excited and terrified. On the one hand I feel like I can finally hit the “unpause” button on my life and start living again, secure in the fact I have a home. On the other hand I hear all of the accounts of xenophobia and immigrant scapegoating happening in America right now and feel that I will not be welcomed there and may eventually face some of the dangers I did back home. What can I do to fit into American culture?
Dear Intelligent Advice,             I’m unhappy with my appearance: I look in the mirror and I’m never satisfied with what I see – I look bad in all my clothes, and nothing seems to suit me or flatter my figure. I’m not hideously ugly; some... Continue Reading →
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