Dear Intelligent Advice: Raising Kids in the Age of Trump

Dear Adviser,

Last night my four-year-old called my two-year-old a “loser” and said he wanted to deport him out of the house. I don’t think it takes a genius to realize where he is getting this from. How is it possible to raise kind, compassionate children in an era where a bullying tyrant is in charge of our country?

Sincerely,

Concerned Mother

Response: [Adviser logged on APerfectDayforParentingAdvice]

Dear Concerned Mother,

First I think it is important to take a step back and realize that your four-year-old can’t possibly understand the wide ranging societal implications of  xenophobia. He is merely mimicking something he saw on TV or in the classroom. It is unreasonable to assume he carries any of the real malice associated with actual political figures and adults making these statements. These refrains can be linked to him singing a song he heard on the radio – meaningless and innocent. Children do not have the same capacity for hatred as adults do.

With this in mind it’s obvious that your child is not yet being brainwashed or ingrained into a system. On a long enough timeline, he will be. This is where you come in. It is important for you as a parent to explain the hypocrisies and evils of adult society. War is not noble, judges and juries are not unbiased, hard work doesn’t lead to success, the economy is not fair, most adults are littered with hypocrisy, cruelty and ignorance. If he understands all of this then he can choose the opposite path for himself.

Parenting is like a race between you and all of the outside forces working to indoctrinate your child and turn him into a spiteful cog in a larger machine. It is up to you to make sure he becomes a real individual, making informed choices that make sense to him.

It is better he knows what he’s up against from you than you trying to protect his innocence forever and keep him hidden from the outside world, no matter how unkind it can be.

Sincerely,

Buddy Glass

Response: [Adviser logged on CatchingRye]

Dear Concerned Mother,

Don’t listen to this phony. Every goddamn thing he says is wrong, for one thing. Innocence is just about the most important thing there is out there and you have to hold on to it as hard and for as long as possible. I don’t care how lousy it makes you feel but you have to hide all of the drama of the outside world for your kids for as long as possible. I don’t care if the president is the biggest phony jerk the world has ever seen, there’s no reason your kids need to be watching the news about it. Have your kids go play outside, ride carousels, run through empty fields, but don’t, for the love of god, let them watch anything with that lousy orange faced bastard. That’s the quickest way to ruin the world for them and kill all their joy. Not to mention destroy all the values you’re trying to raise them with. I went to school with a lot of guys like Donald Trump, a bunch of lousy pricks who have no respect for anyone and who I’d rather not be in a room with if I could avoid it. If your kids were never exposed to someone from that tax bracket, their lives would be better for it.

Sincerely,

Holden Caulfield

Response: [Adviser logged on APerfectDayforParentingAdvice]

For the love of God, don’t listen to that guy. He’s an unreliable narrator!

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