Dear Intelligent Advice: Instafamous

Dear Intelligent Advice,

I really want to be an Instagram model; the girls on there have such beautiful and glamorous lifestyles, but I have no idea how to go about it. I follow my favourite bloggers for #goals, post once a week and promote myself online, but I’ve only got 400 followers, and most of those are my friends and people I know. How do I up my following so I can be #instafamous?

Sincerely,

A Fledgling Aesthete

 

Response[Advisor logged on Art4Art]

My Dear Fledgling Aesthete,

Ah, Instagram, what a contemporary folly! Though each generation, I’ll admit, is inclined towards its own unremarkable fancies, and the lens of passing years gently nudges us towards uninspired criticism. Nevertheless, what a bore, this Instagram! However, I shall endeavour to assist, if only for the fact that it would be so much worse to be excluded from it.

Fortuitously, my glorious child, you have been born under optimal circumstances with which to navigate the complexities of this venture; you are young, and presumably beautiful and well-bred enough that a lack of extravagance rather than a lack of means is what preoccupies you. Let me be the first reprimand you with the knowledge that this is entirely due to your lack of imagination, and furthermore the thing which is preventing you from your fame and accompanying fortune; (Though I do hope you are seeking a fortune in company rather than finances, to worry about finances is extraordinarily dull).

Which brings me to my next instruction; I would advise you to disregard your means entirely, and surround yourself with people whose means are of little consequence to them either. These are details, and what you are after are absolutes. Absolute art! Absolute beauty! And the joys of experience – however much prudish onlookers may try to dissuade you with their tiresome attitudes. You will be forgiven in storytelling, assuming the acts were carried out with appropriate style. Overdress for all occasions, for then anyone will be completely sure that you belong there, and are on your way to something much more interesting within the hour.

Thirdly, and this may seem somewhat contradictory, one must never involve oneself in something quite so much that one can’t later pretend one had nothing to do with. It is man that creates taste, and not vice versa, but still it is best to maintain a modicum of distance, just in case the taste becomes completely reversed, as it is inclined to do often in fashionable society.

And finally, remember, to perceive ugliness in beauty is the impudence of a low man, to create beauty for the sake of beauty is the merit of the purest artists.

My undying admiration,

A Man of Great Importance

 

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